Sheriffs for students

There was a time when porters in oxbridge acted as a sort of police force for the students of those reverend institutions. They still are nominally in charge of keeping the peace as such, but now only the most anti-authoritarian would call them a police force. Here, there is a campus police force. Real police, real guns, real authority. Real shiny motorbikes being driven slowly past you on campus, tall leather boots and polished badge, aviators for eyes and a sense that if this man thought he was any more cool he might just damn explode. They have a station on campus which I often walk past - there is always a line of cop cars out front, complete with front end reinforced bumpers for slamming people off the road in a chase scenario.

Real guns.

Now, there is a purpose for them being there, there always is. They are there to ensure our safety and to ensure that no laws are broken. Considerations of our safety are much appreciated; we are after all only a few miles from the center of gun crime in America, the infamous Oakland. Considerations of our law abidingness are not so appreciated. There is type of law in particular that they really, really concentrate on, and to my surprise it is not those relating to controlled substances. In fact, their attitude to cannabis is probably more laid back than back home, despite the penalties for having illegal cannabis being harsher. I do mean illegal cannabis, remember that cannabis 'for medicinal purposes' is legal here. Anyway, I am being sidetracked. The real stickler is alcohol. Underage drinking of, supply of, outdoor consumption of...

Recall that this was a county that less than 100 years ago enforced PROHIBITION. The powers that be actually BANNED ALCOHOL. Can you imagine such a thing? Well yes I guess: Iran, Saudi Arabia, etc. But really, banning alcohol? It turns out that quite a few countries did this in the early part of the 20th century, but attitudes quickly reverted to sanity everywhere else. Here, some sort of pervading belief in the evils of that most timeless intoxicant remain, and so the might of the police falls heavily on anyone who dares to drink it. Let me provide you with a series of examples that demonstrate the sheer insanity:


1) So I knew that it was illegal to drink on the streets, but I didn't realise how far that rule went. Any open container with alcohol in it cannot be on the streets. So if you open your bottle of whiskey in one place, and wish to venture on to a new location, well you'd better just finish it off first. Two friends of mine (Alex, who has already been introduced, and George, who is also Scottish and who i have just moved in with - more on that some other time) were walking with a carafe of wine, reclosed, when suddenly a van stopped next to them and three burly policemen jumped out at them. They tried to give them a ticket, but Alex and George protested ignorance, and claimed they were Scottish tourists with no knowledge of the (insane) local laws. They let them go, but one of the police said "that's not the only stupid thing the Scottish have done recently". This was just after the Lockerbie bomber had been released...

2) There was a party in I-house, in the main hall, and drinks were being served in the cafe nextdoor. Now, the cafe is still part of I-House, but the corridor that connects the two is for some bizarre reason public property (which means that we do get the occasional homeless guy hanging out there). That meant that drinks could not be taken into the main hall, and there were police on hand to enforce this. Alex tried to leave the cafe with a glass of water. Yep, good old non-alcoholic water. The policeman at the door was so intent on keeping the laws kept that he would not let Alex pass with the glass of water. Perhaps he should have dessicated himself before heading off the main hall?

3) So far, no arrests. This is about to get a whole lot worse. I was on my way to a party at one of the co-ops (not a mid-sized convenience store that seems to have Cambridge surrounded, but a cooperative living arrangement in a large house) and stopped at the local liquor store to get some, well, liquor. There were two people outside, a guy and a girl, who looked about my age. They asked if I would be able to go in and get them a can of Bud. I told them that it wasn't worth the risk for me, what with my visa situation being so delicate and all. Unfortunately, a friend of mine, Benjy, was on his way to the same party about 10 minutes later, and he was not so cautious. Feeling philanthropic, he bought the beer for them. As he walked away, two police came for him, gave him a ticket for supplying alcohol to minors and told him that he would make a court appearance in a few days. He was set up. That is legal here. He was put in a situation where doing something nice for someone would ultimately kick him in the ass. The two people outside the shop were not even under 21, which is the ridiculous thing. It is illegal to supply anyone alcohol that you do not know for sure is 21+.

Needless to say, we couldn't fucking believe it. There were a lot of angry people that night. But it gets worse. The party, like the majority of parties I have been to here were underage people are present, was shut down before midnight. Not only that, the police confiscated the takings on the door becsuse there was alcohol being served inside, and they claimed that the entrance fee was essentially purchase of alcohol.

Lets review. The police were waiting for people to go to the party and setting them up to commit crimes so that they could give them a ticket. Then they came into the party, decided they didn't like it and shut it down whilst stealing the money.

4) The I-house had another party, before the one I mentioned earlier. This one was entirely in the cafe. Unfortunately nobody told the police that this party was happening. They turned up because there was some trouble on the door with some kids from Oakland trying to get in but not being allowed because it was for students only. They saw a crowded bar type situation and someone throwing up outside. They called for back up and pretty soon there were THREE police cars and a fire truck. They came in, turned off the music and told the organisers that they had exceeded the legal number of people allowed in the cafe. The party was not allowed to restart with less people, it was simply shut down. About five police cleared people out the cafe. One even had the gall to say to one of the organisers "look how much resources your wasting". Lets not forget, there are real and dangerous crimes being committed as I type not far from here, and yet three police cars and a fire truck were sent to deal with some drunk students having a pre-planned party in a cafe with an alcohol license.

5) So what happens to all these people being given tickets? Justice is dispensed wild-west style - people arrive at court and are assigned a judge who arbitrarily decides how much the person should be fined. Two different people from I-House went to court on the same day for the same offense (open container violation), which they committed together and were caught doing together. One was fined $75. The other was fined $250.


The whole fucking thing is like being subject to the whims of some power mad sheriff in the 1800's. 'Fuck the police' has real meaning here. At home, the police force was set up, to be a servant of the people. I believe it still is today for the most part, despite some notable exceptions. Police cannot perform arbitrary beatings, police can be spoken to without fear, police will be helpful as far as possible. Sadly, when it comes to the police America feels more like the USSR than the UK. People being set up, complete authority, guns, fear, rudeness. It is a police state. Fuck the police.